


Eight Weeks Apart ...with Dan's Journal

by MakeBelieveLove



Category: Schitt's Creek (TV) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:54:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29895222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakeBelieveLove/pseuds/MakeBelieveLove
Summary: Continuation of "You're the breath I'm always waiting for".  Dan and Noah's one year wedding anniversary. As they're about to be separated for eight weeks...Dan knows his gift of 'paper' will be the journal he kept of Noah when they began working together.  Still very new at this but trying to post in chapters this time.  Thank you for reading it!
Relationships: Dan Levy & Noah Reid, Dan Levy/Noah Reid
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	1. Eight Weeks Apart - We Can Do This

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1 of ...how many? I don't know yet ...the love between these two men haunts me.

**EIGHT WEEKS**

Dan felt the tightness in his chest match the slow rise and fall of Noah’s as he watched him sleep. Sunlight had begun to filter through the windows giving their bedroom a subtle glow making everything look softer, feel softer. Dan had been awake for quite a while, thinking about the eight weeks, and watching Noah sleep. He could feel the tightness move up into his throat and he placed his hand on Noah’s stomach, feeling the warmth, searching for comfort. Noah’s hand moved over Dan’s and he rolled onto his side pulling Dan closer.

He molded his body into Noah’s, curves fitting into curves, arms and legs moving to find their natural place around each other. He dipped his head into the curve of Noah’s neck and closed his eyes, letting his body and senses memorize everything he would need to make it for eight weeks.

Noah had received the offer for the part several weeks ago and had called Dan immediately. _“I think I want this one,”_ Noah had almost whispered into the phone. And Dan was possibly more excited for Noah than he was for himself, he would do everything possible to support him. 

Noah’s contract and packet of information had arrived by courier a few weeks ago and they’d both read through together. It was a good contract, and felt like a good script, one that Noah was actually excited about. When they read the information on the eight week location shoot, and the request from the studio, they fell silent at the same time. To avoid potential problems and delays, the studio had asked (not required) everyone to stay the eight weeks - no breaks to travel home. Noah looked up at him, and Dan knew this was his moment to be there for Noah, _“We can do this ...we’ll be ok,”_ Dan said softly. 

Their one year ‘wediversary’ was two weeks away and two days after that Noah would leave for location shooting on a new show. Eight weeks. 

Noah had been so adamant about them not being separated for weeks at a time during the first year they were together, Dan had worried a bit that he was passing up opportunities that he might regret. But then he’d heard the first run of the tracks for the album Noah would eventually release and he knew it had been the right decision. For their relationship and for Noah. 

Dan moved his hand up Noah’s back feeling the muscles there before he moved slowly down and pushed his hand under the waistband of Noah’s underwear, sliding them down. _“Mmm, are you ok? It’s early…”_ Noah mumbled into his neck, groggy with sleep.

 _“I’m ok ...I need to feel you,”_ Dan whispered, pushing Noah onto his back. Dan moved his mouth slowly across Noah’s body, tracing lines and curves, tasting him. Noah moaned softly and held his hand in Dan’s hair, whispering things Dan couldn’t really make out. Pushing Noah’s underwear down and off, Dan covered him immediately with his mouth, making Noah inhale and jerk with the suddenness of it. _“Fuck,”_ he groaned, his hand grasping tighter in Dan’s hair. Dan’s mouth enveloped Noah completely. Claiming him. His tongue moved in firm strokes up his length and around the tip as he sucked up and down. Noah was fully awake now, hips moving up into Dan’s mouth, _“Daniel...I’m close,”_ he murmured.

 _“Not yet…,”_ Dan whispered, moving off of Noah’s cock and down, sucking his balls gently. He moved Noah’s legs further apart and pressed his tongue into the crease of his thigh, Noah groaned loudly as he sucked the spot there, hard and long enough to ensure there would be a mark. Claiming him. Dan moved his mouth up to the inside of Noah’s hip and pressed his mouth in again, hard, sucking long enough to leave a mark. Claiming him. Noah gasped and his grasp in Dan’s hair became more demanding, pulling his mouth back to his cock, _“Daniel, God…”_ Dan took him in his mouth, letting his tongue move slowly around the tip while his hands roamed Noah’s body. _“Daniel, I need you,”_ Noah’s voice was close to pleading. Dan let his head fall and Noah’s cock sank to the back of his throat, and that’s all he needed. He held Noah through his orgasm feeling his hips jerk, taking everything, sucking him softly till he relaxed.

Noah’s grasp in Dan’s hair relaxed and he moved his hand to Dan’s jaw, rubbing softly. _“Come here,”_ he whispered, pulling Dan gently up. Noah held them far enough apart so he could see Dan’s eyes. He brushed his thumb across Dan’s lip and looked at him quietly, seeing in his eyes that this was more than just morning sex. Noah leaned in and kissed his mouth softly, _“Tell me what you need,”_ he whispered.

Dan lowered head into the curve of Noah’s neck, _“I… I need your hands, make me remember you when you’re not here.”_ Noah’s breath caught in his throat and he pulled Dan’s mouth to his, pushing his tongue in, feeling every space of him.

Noah moved down Dan’s body and pushed his pants and underwear off, he ran his hands gently through hair on his stomach and up his chest. He pressed his fingers into Dan’s hips, moving his thumbs back and forth hard enough to know it would leave a mark, possibly a bruise. Noah moved to get the lube from the bedside and pulled the comforter from the bed. He sat on his knees between Dan’s legs, letting them see the need in each other’s eyes before spreading Dan’s legs wider. Noah let the oil drip slowly onto Dan’s cock making him twitch, watching it run down to his balls. He pushed Dan’s legs up and covered his fingers in oil and immediately pushed one finger in, seeing the surprise in Dan’s eyes before his head fell back onto the pillow. Noah moved his finger in and out, pushing in hard each time.

 _“More, Noah ..,”_ Dan whispered but Noah waited, keeping only one finger moving firmly in and out. When Dan moved his head further into the pillow, Noah pushed another finger in, keeping the same hard push each time he moved in, spreading his fingers wide as he moved out, hearing Dan grunt each time. 

Dan had no idea how much time passed like this, he asked for more again and again, but Noah took his time. Finally, Noah pushed in a third finger and pressed in hard, curling his fingers inside Dan, holding them there against the inside of him. Dan’s hips jerked uncontrollably and he called out Noah’s name. Noah wrapped his other hand around Dan’s cock and began stroking him softly, moving his fingers gently against the inside of him. Dan gripped the sheets and thrust his hips up into Noah’s hand then down onto his fingers, unable to focus on the intensity he felt. Noah began to move his fingers in and out, a hard push in each time as he tightened his strokes on Dan’s cock. 

_“Noah, I...fuck…I can’t,”_ Dan was wrthing in Noah’s hands now. Noah pushed his fingers in and held them, his hand tightening on Dan’s cock as he jerked up. He felt Dan tighten around his fingers at the same time he felt his cock jerk and saw his cum run through his hand, but what he couldn’t take his eyes off of was Dan’s face. Noah knew it was ridiculous, but after almost two years, he still felt tears in his eyes at the pleasure on Dan’s face when they made love. The sheer idea that he could give that to Dan took his breath away.

Noah moved his fingers from Dan and lay against him for a minute, feeling his chest move, his breathing not yet calm. He moved to the bathroom to clean up and bring a warm cloth back. Dan’s eyes were closed so he laid his hand on his thigh to let him know he was there before rubbing the warm towel over his body. Noah pulled the comforter back up onto the bed, covering Dan and sliding in beside him, moving his leg gently over him. 

_“I love you, Daniel”._

_“I love you too”._

Noah waited until he could feel Dan’s breath even out before asking, _“Are you ok? I know we talked about the weeks apart but it’s ok to say so if you’re not good with it”._

Dan loved this about Noah. That he understood when there was more behind Dan’s actions than it might seem. Noah knew when Dan called from work more than once in a day it wasn’t just to check-in but more that something was on his mind. He knew when Dan suggested they take the very long way back home after a walk he usually needed more time to get something off his chest. And more intimately, Noah knew when Dan left markings on his body it usually meant he felt insecure about something and needed Noah to anchor him. Anchor them.

 _“I’m ok ...really. I believe you remaining there during location shooting is the best thing ...for you. And that’s what I want. Honestly. I just know the best thing for me is to have you in our bed at night and wake up next to you in the morning. I’ll miss that ...knowing you’re waking up somewhere without me.”_ Dan’s not sure he meant to really say all of that, but there it is.

Noah pulled him closer, _“Daniel, I’m yours whether I’m in this bed or not. You know that, right?’_

Dan doesn’t hesitate, _“Yes. I know that ..I really do.”_

 _“Good,”_ Noah breathes out. It’s most important to him that they’ve never doubted their commitment to each other. The last two years have been the easiest most natural thing in Noah’s life but he doesn’t want to take that for granted. In their business, relationships come and go like the seasons. _“This will be hard for both of us. I know that.”_ He rolls Dan onto his back so he can see his face. _“I will want you every night I go to sleep and every morning I wake up.”_ Noah kisses along his jaw, feeling the soft stubble that always sends a shiver down him. _“However, I don’t leave for two more weeks and I believe we have a rather important celebration in that time, correct?”_

 _“Yes, Mr. Reid, I believe we do. Did you have any ideas about that celebration?”_ Dan feels a little less weighted now, turning his thoughts to their ‘wedivarsary’.

 _“Well, what did you call it? Our ‘wediversary’?”_ Noah smiles at him, absolutely full of love for Dan just as he was when he said ‘I do’ almost a year ago.

 _“Yep. That’s what we’re calling it so as not to confuse it with the anniversary of the day we met, the anniversary of your first night here, or the anniversary of when you asked me to marry you. All extremely important dates in our lives, I might add,”_ Dan smiles easily now.

 _“Ah. Yes, so many anniversaries it’s good that we don’t let our actual wedding anniversary get confused in there. I like it. So...I’m completely up for anything you might want to do but, I was thinking of a long weekend away for some uninterrupted time together before I leave. Does that sound like something you can work out in your calendar?”_ Noah nuzzles deep into Dan’s neck, his hand moving slowly across his stomach. 

Dan moans, feeling Noah’s lips dig deep into his neck. _“I do believe I can work that out. Most definitely. Yes.”_

Noah peeks up at him, _“I was thinking we might go back to Catalina ...what do you think? Our time there was so relaxing, like we were in another country ...away from everyone. I want that ...to have you away from everyone.”_

Dan smiles at him thinking God, I love this man. _“I love that idea ...close enough that we don’t waste time traveling and far enough away to forget everything here.”_ He leans in and kisses Noah, softly but letting his lips linger, brushing across the corner of his lips. 

_“Good. I have the house booked for us the week after next. We’ll fly over on Wednesday around noon and return on Sunday afternoon.”_ Noah smiles widely.

Dan cocks an eyebrow, _“You reserved before even asking me?”_

 _“Well, I’d like to think I know my husband well enough to know our first time there was perfect and he’d love a repeat of it.”_ Noah kisses Dan in return without even waiting for his reaction. He does know his husband.

_“I love you, Noah Reid.”_

Noah is speechless at the look in Dan’s eyes, so full of love, and want. _“God, Daniel…”_ he moves his body into Dan, his hips moving against him, looking for the same need he feels. Dan meets him fully, pulling Noah into his body. They are both spent, neither feeling like they will be hard again anytime soon, but the softness of their bodies moving against each other, the matching ebb and flow, is all they need right now. Dan pulls the comforter up and they sink further into the bed, moving softly against each other, letting everything beyond this moment slip away.

  
  


**BREAKFAST TABLE**

_“So…,”_ Dan nudges Noah’s shoulder as they plate their breakfast and move to the table, _“Are you ok with ‘wediversary’ gifts? As long as they’re simple?”_

_“I’m absolutely ok with gifts. As long as they’re simple.”_ He watches Dan’s face closely when he says, _“Actually, my gift for you should be ready for pick-up today.”_

Dan’s very large fork of blueberry ricotta pancakes is frozen in mid-air. Eyes wide. _“What?”_

 _“My gift. For you. For our ‘wediversary’. It should be ready for pick-up today.”_ Noah can’t take his eyes off of Dan’s face. Just watching his look of astonishment is requiring all of his strength not to lean over and kiss him. 

_“So, you already have a gift. For me. For our ‘wediversary.”_ Dan’s pancake loaded fork is still mid-air.

 _“I do.”_ Noah looks directly at him, leaning over to move the fork to Dan’s mouth.

Dan takes the bite and chews slowly, watching Noah. After he’s able to swallow, he asks, _“So, if it’s ready for pick-up today it means you planned it. For how long?”_

 _“A while,”_ Noah smiles. _“Don’t worry, Daniel, it’s very simple and it was not expensive.”_

 _“More or less than $500?”_ Dan blurts out.

Noah looks wide eyed now. _“Were you expecting $500?”_

 _“No,”_ Dan is quick to answer, looking relieved. 

_“Good. How about less than $100?”_ Noah watches for his reaction. 

Dan smiles, _“I think that’s a reasonable first ‘wediversary’ gift.”_ It crosses Dan’s mind what an ordinary amount of money $100 is for two men who now make more than they ever have in their careers. He’s thankful that ‘flash’ is not their style. Seriously, he’s known couples who gifted a small yacht that ended up being claimed in the pre-nup before it ever touched water.

 _“Well, the first year is paper anyway so it would be hard to spend much more on that, don’t you think?”_ Noah is back to eating now and misses the look on Dan’s face, and the fork of pancakes suspended mid-air, again.

 _“You looked up what the gifts are by year?”_ Dan is staring at him now.

 _“Well, yeah… I know you like a bit of tradition and this is a pretty important one,”_ Noah smiles softly at him. 

Dan sits for a minute, watching Noah. Wondering if he's even aware this simple act of thinking about what Dan likes is actually the gift he’s giving. He moves from his seat around the table to Noah and straddles his lap, leaning down to kiss him deeply. Noah tastes the slight sweetness of pancakes on his lips and moans, his hands move up Dan’s back, pulling him close. Dan whispers close to his ear, _“Let’s go back to bed”_. They look at each other for a long moment, both a bit baffled that after this long together, they still go weak for each other at the simplest of things.


	2. Let the Gifting Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan will open his soul up to Noah ...through his journal.

**LET THE GIFTING BEGIN**

_“Do you want to give me a hint about what your gift is?”_ Dan asks later that evening while Noah is reading the script sent to him weeks ago.

 _“Why would I do that?”_ He smiles up at Dan, happy for the break.

 _“Well ...maybe so that I know my gift will be ‘enough’.”_ Dan is hesitant now.

Noah lays the script down and goes to where Dan is on the couch, pretending to read. _“Daniel, look at me.”_ And of course he waits until Dan looks up. _“We know we love each other without saying it. We know what we have together is a part of both of us, forever. No gift will ever say more than that. Do you believe that?”_

Dan looks at him, studying his face, memorizing it. _“I do. I honestly do. It’s not about the gift and I know it’s not a competition.”_ To this, Noah raises an eyebrow. _“I mean it!”_ Dan is serious now. 

_“So no going overboard, agreed? We said under $100 ...can I trust you?”_ Noah gives him his ‘serious eyebrows’, Dan doesn’t know what else to call them. It’s the same look he gives if Dan touches his body in a private place when they’re in public places. Sometimes when they’re at an industry event, seated at a booth, if Dan reaches under the table and lays his hand on Noah’s thigh, very far up on his thigh, Noah will look at him with ‘serious eyebrows’. 

_“Yes. You can trust me,”_ Dan says in the most serious voice he can pull ...adding the boy scout honor sign for good measure. _“So, when will we exchange our gifts?”_

Noah smiles softly wondering if Dan actually had been in the Scout Canada program when he was a boy. Something he stores in his mind to definitely find out. _“I think the night before I leave if you’re ok with that? My gift is a bit too...fragile to take to Catalina,”_ Noah loves the peaked curiosity showing across Dan’s face.

 _“Ok ...the night before you leave. We’ll have a very quiet dinner here and exchange gifts,”_ Dan agrees, then leans in to kiss Noah and moves his hand up his thigh.

Noah catches his hand, kisses him on the cheek, and backs off the couch. _“Nope. Seriously, Daniel ..I have to read this script or I won’t be able to take the days off to get away.”_ More ‘serious eyebrows’. Dan smiles down at Noah’s pants where the beginnings of his cock getting hard are quite obvious. Yet more ‘serious eyebrows’ and Noah stomps off to the kitchen. 

  
  


Later in the day, Dan is rummaging around in his small house safe looking for a studio contract when he sees it. His ‘Noah’ journal. He’s never told Noah about the journal, not keeping it a secret really, but that journal feels literally like laying his soul open. Wider than with any words he’s ever said to Noah.

He had begun the journal as a way to move David and Patrick’s relationship along, to keep track of natural feelings he wanted them to have. Somewhere along the way, it was no longer a journal of David and Patrick. It became a journal of just ...Noah. Dan hadn’t even realized it until midway through season 5 when he was looking back through it to determine exactly how the final season would go for David and Patrick. He remembers that Sunday evening at home, he’d finished reading through the journal to his last entry a few days before. He’d felt things between them, for him, were becoming something different. Something larger than Dan had experienced before. Something that scared him. He could see it clearly then, reading back over his own words. He was falling in love with Noah. And he knew that had to stop.

He thought about Noah’s first night here, standing across from each other in the kitchen, Dan knew they were both barely able to remain still. They both knew how badly they wanted each other, there was no turning back. Dan had made a silent promise to himself at that moment to give himself completely to Noah, he knew there would be no stopping it. Words, feelings, actions ...everything he had would be given openly to Noah. And he welcomed it, and wanted it. But the journal revealed how badly Dan had wanted Noah, loved him, long before that night. And somehow, he felt guilty about that.

He pulled the journal out and moved to lean against the wall of the closet, holding it close to him. He ran his fingers over the stitching along the edge of the worn leather, his body filling with warmth. Dan had always kept a journal of notes, thoughts, ideas ...a way to get the things rolling around in his head out. Some entries led to an idea for an episode for the show, or an idea for something that might come later. This journal was different. It was smaller, a bit thinner, it was meant for one idea and that idea had been Noah. 

He’d told Noah how early on in their filming he’d been attracted to him sexually, he wasn’t embarrassed about that. But, had he ever told Noah how early he’d started to feel more than just sexual attraction? Had he told him how early he had fallen in love with him without even realizing it? 

Memories flooded Dan’s mind as he opened the journal to read the first page.

_First table read with Noah today -_

_I feel like today was a success with Noah - he might be the Patrick that David needs. We caught each other’s eye today during the scene in the office, their first meeting, and somehow the look on Noah’s face makes me feel safe. He looked like he knows what I want from their coming relationship in the show and he is simply here to give me whatever that requires._

  
  


_“Daniel, are you in here?”_ he’s startled to hear Noah calling for him from the bedroom. He snaps the journal closed and pushes it back into the safe ..he needs to think about this.

_“Yep, in here, looking for a contract.”_

Noah walks to the closet looking a little confused when he sees Dan sitting on the floor next to the safe. _“You look ...uh, flustered? Did you not find it?”_

_“I did ...it’s here,”_ Dan waves the papers up as proof.

 _“So...are you going to read it here, on the floor?”_ Noah still looks a bit confused.

 _“Let’s go out for dinner ...what do you think? I’m feeling the need for sushi.”_ Dan wants desperately to change the conversation, to move Noah’s eyes off of him.

Noah laughs and bends down close to him, _“Sure, sounds good. Uh..do you need some help getting off the floor?”_

 _“I’m not that old, but yes, and hand would be nice,”_ he says mostly because he knows Noah pulling him up will bring them close enough that he can lean in and kiss him without appearing ‘flustered’ as Noah had put it. And he does kiss him, softly across his lips, down along his jawline. _“I can’t remember not loving you, Noah.”_

Noah moves back to look at him, seeing his watery eyes, _“Hey…,”_ he pulls Dan’s mouth to his, kissing him deeply, moving over and over into him. He presses Dan against the wall, moving his hands into the front of his sweats, stroking him gently. He looks at Dan so he knows they both want this, they’re both working through emotions today about the coming time apart. Noah moves to kiss him just beneath his jawline, his hand moving on Dan more firmly now, whispering into his neck, _“I don’t think there was a time we didn’t already love each other.”_

Dan knows then what he will do with the journal. He knows exactly what his paper ‘wediversary’ gift will be to Noah. He pulls Noah face up, holding him with hands so they’re looking at each other, thrusting into his hand now, he wants Noah to see his eyes as he comes into his hand. He wants Noah to see everything in his soul that he feels for him.

  
  


The following days pass by quickly with them both trying to tie up loose ends before their get-away. Noah chooses to pack his bags for location while Dan is at work. He’ll drop them at the studio to be sent with other items going out so that he can travel with just his backpack. The fewer things right now to remind them of their weeks apart, the better. For both of them.

When the last bag is zipped up, he lays across their bed and pulls Dan’s pillow to him, taking in his scent, storing it in his mind. _“I’m so glad you found me, Daniel,”_ he says aloud.


	3. Catalina Again ...Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few days away to memorize each other before Noah leaves.

**CATALINA AGAIN ...FINALLY**

Dan can’t say he’s any more sure about the helicopter flight but he agrees it’s the fastest way there. As they walk to it, he looks briefly at Noah, _“Is this the same company we used last time? The one you checked out thoroughly?”_ He may be nearing 40 but some anxieties are ingrained forever. He’s not going to feel guilty about that.

 _“Yes. And I checked them out again before booking this time. You know ...precious cargo and all.”_ Noah grins and pulls him up into the helicopter. They settle in and relax as they watch the ocean appear below them.

Noah had tried to pay for their stay at the house, especially since he and Dan now had the small recording studio and he no longer used the one he’d had when first coming to L.A. But the owner had refused, saying he hadn’t been in months and was glad to have someone there to check on it for him. They’d been referring to local artists back and forth between each other, trying to help when one didn’t have space for someone. It had been a good business relationship so Noah knew letting him use the house was a bit of a _‘thank you’_. 

Just as before, they walked into the house completely stunned by the view. Standing at the wall of windows looking out at the horizon of the ocean, their hands came together, fingers wrapped around each other. Dan pulled Noah’s hand to his lips, kissing his palm, _“Thank you,”_ he whispered. A shiver went down Noah’s body and he wondered if Dan felt it too.

 _“Let’s walk on the beach for a while…”_ Noah smiled, knowing if they stay here he’ll be pressing Dan into the bed before their bags are unpacked.

  
  


On the way back, they picked up two very large take-out pizzas for dinner and Noah refused to believe that Dan had ordered two, large, because he wasn’t sure what Noah would want. _“Daniel, we’ve had pizza together at least a hundred times. You ‘know’ what I like. Admit it, you over ordered because your heart melted when the guy started talking about how slow business has been and he’s struggling to stay open.”_

_“I did it for ‘us’. Pizza for breakfast is one of my favorite things and now we have plenty ...which means we can stay in bed longer since we don’t have to cook,”_ Dan nuzzled into Noah’s neck at the ‘stay in bed longer’ part.

 _“Not getting away with that, Daniel. As long as we’ve been together, we have never once had pizza for breakfast.”_ Noah laughs as he hands his pizza to Dan so he can open the door. Once in he takes both pizzas to the kitchen then pulls Dan to the bedroom. His hand slides up inside Dan’s t-shirt and his breath quickens, _“Daniel, take your clothes off...”_ Noah walks past him to pull the shower oil from his bag and continues into the bathroom, shedding his clothes as he goes. When Dan hears the water start his mind catches up and he pulls at his clothes as he follows Noah into the shower.

Dan is so turned on he has to focus on relaxing as Noah moves his hands across him, lathering the soap down his chest to his stomach. The warmth of the water and Noah’s mouth on him is intoxicating. He closes his eyes and feels Noah move down his body taking his cock fully in. _“Oh my God, Noah ....I can’t…”_ Dan is mumbling, holding on to the shower walls as Noah sucks him in deeply. He spreads Dan’s legs and slides his finger across him, pressing his mouth further down onto him. _“Fuck, Noah…”_ Dan groans. 

Noah pulls off and looks up at him, _“Would you rather I do that instead?”_ he smiles, running his tongue around the tip of Dan’s cock. 

_“Too late…,”_ Dan whispers, pulling Noah’s mouth further down. Noah closes his eyes and holds him tightly as his hips jerk and he comes. He holds Dan inside his mouth as long as he can, trying to name the way it feels so that he can draw it back to memory when he’s away.

Finally, Dan moves Noah’s mouth away, too sensitive now to keep it around him. He pulls Noah up into a kiss, sliding his tongue inside his mouth to taste himself there. His hand slides down Noah’s body and gently over his cock, feeling the hardness of it, he pulls them closer together as their kiss slows, and deepens.

Noah turns Dan and slowly pushes his back down so that he’s bent over, braced on the shower seat. Dan spreads his legs and Noah is overwhelmed at how much he wants him. He pours the oil onto Dan and rubs his fingers through it, spreading it over his hole, massaging him gently. Slowly, he presses in his finger and gives Dan time to relax, then he presses in another and begins to move in and out, trying to steady his breathing. Noah presses in another finger and lays his body across Dan’s back, gently fucking him with his fingers. Dan groans and Noah can’t not be inside him any longer, he pulls his fingers out and guides himself slowly inside Dan. Noah’s hips move slowly against him, pushing in gently and pulling almost out before stopping, memorizing the way Dan feels around him. When he’s unable to hold himself any longer, he leans in to Dan’s back, _“Are you ready?”_

 _“Yes…,”_ Dan can barely speak.

Noah raises up and sinks quickly into Dan, pushing himself in deeply over and over, holding his hips steady, pulling Dan back each time to meet his thrusts. Noah hears Dan’s groan at each thrust until finally he comes, full and deep inside of him, holding onto his hips. When his orgasm stops he pulls out and raises Dan up against him, _“Daniel…,”_ he whispers into his shoulder as he holds him. Dan turns to him and their arms wrap around each other, feeling the quick rise and fall of their chests as the water runs down them.

_“Jesus ...showers. Right?”_ Dan laughs into Noah’s shoulder. 

Noah looks up at him and can’t control his own laughter now, _“Yeah ...fucking showers”._ He finally looks at Dan softly, _“Let me clean us?”_ Dan nods his head and turns to face the shower wall again as Noah wipes him gently with a warm cloth.

Once out of the shower, exhausted, dry, and starving, they pull on comfortable clothes and take the pizza to the deck. Dan is talking about how relaxing it felt to have the tide wash across their feet today and wishing they lived directly on the beach when Noah suddenly leans across the boxes and kisses him, taking Dan a bit by surprise. _“What prompted that?”_ Dan asks.

 _“Just thinking about where we are in our relationship. I love that we’re more settled together now than the last time we were here but, when I look at you, Daniel ...I still want you as much now as I did that weekend. I will feel that way forever.”_ Noah’s voice is soft and low.

Dan stares at him, knowing that if he tries to speak he will probably cry. He cried last time they were here and he’d rather not repeat that. He leans over and brushes his thumb across Noah’s lips, _“You have a little sauce there,”_ he smiles softly. Noah laughs and kisses the inside of his palm, reaching for another slice.

Later in the evening when they’re having drinks on the deck, Noah asks, _“Were you in Scouts Canada? Or Boy Scouts in the U.S.?”_

Dan rolls his eyes, laughing, _“Why do you ask?”_

_“Well, when we were talking about the price of our gifts, you gave me the ‘Scouts Honor’ and it made me wonder.”_

_“I was in the Scouts actually, in Canada and in the U.S. because we were back and forth so much. I was a very dedicated Scout by the way!”_ Dan says, actually quite serious.

Noah laughs a little, _“Oh, I’m very sure you were, Mr. Levy. You are very ‘passionate’ about whatever you’re involved in.”_ After a minute, Noah looks at him again, _“Are there pictures of you in your Scout uniforms?”_

 _“Noah, you are a pervert. Yes, I’m sure there are pictures of me and if it gets you off I’m happy to dig them out the next time we’re at my parents’ house,”_ Dan rolls his eyes again.

Noah slides off his chair and takes Dan’s drink from his hand to place it on the table. He straddles Dan’s lap in the lounge chair, leaning in to run his fingers through his hair and kiss him lightly. _“I’m happy to wear the pervert badge if it means I get to see you in any of those uniforms.”_ he laughs into Dan’s neck. Dan smacks his ass and moves over so that Noah can stretch out beside him. He feels nothing happening in either of their sweats knowing they’re both exhausted from their shower. Maybe tomorrow. He pulls Noah close into his side, feeling the muscles along his back. Maybe later tonight.

They try to make their few days away from reality pass slowly, their phones seldom leave the chargers on the counter. They make love as often as their bodies will allow, needing more than their bodies can ever give them. Late at night, they whisper their needs desperately against the skin of the other, burning it into their bodies like a scar they both want to carry forever. 

On their last morning, Dan is already on the deck when Noah wakes. He steps to the bathroom and stands for a minute looking in the mirror at the dark marks Dan has left on his skin. The inside of his thigh, low on his stomach, on his hip just below the bone and close into the crease of his leg. All purposely left in the most intimate places. Noah rubs his finger lightly over the one low on his stomach and smiles when he feels the warmth move up his body. Grabbing a robe from the back of the door, he goes to find Dan stretched out on the deck lounge chair, dressed in his sweats and t-shirt.

Dan looks up at him and grins, _“Well, Mr. Hefner, did you enjoy sleeping in?”_

Noah enjoys the grin on Dan’s face for a moment. _“Daniel ...I have a few things I’d like to ask you about.”_ Noah opens the robe, moving his hands to each of the spots. _“So, I’m wondering ...did you leave these purposely so that I can’t have random sex the next eight weeks?”_ Noah is grinning back at him as he crawls up the chair and lays against Dan’s body.

  
Dan wraps his arms around him, and says, unapologetically, _“A man must do whatever is necessary to protect what he loves.”_ Noah is somewhat stunned when Dan moves his hand around his cock and it responds immediately. He’s exhausted but apparently his body doesn’t realize this. In a matter of moments, Dan is holding him tightly as he thrusts into Dan’s hand, clinging to him as his cum spills warmly between them. When his orgasm stops, Dan pulls the robe up to dry them and they relax into each other drifting off to sleep, waiting for the warmth of the sun to wake them.


	4. Gifting is Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their simple gifts carry more emotional weight than either expected.

**GIFTING IS HARD**

Noah can see Dan’s nervousness Sunday evening at dinner. He watches as he moves his food around in small groups, separating his plate by color, then putting similar colors together? Noah’s not sure about that but it makes him smile watching Dan direct his food to it’s proper spot. _“Dan, is everything ok? You seem a little, uh...preoccupied”._

Dan looks up at him, obviously unaware that his plate has turned into a color wheel. _“I’m sorry ..just things rolling around my head. I’m fine”._ When he sees the doubt in Noah’s eyes he adds, _“I promise I would tell you if I weren’t.”_

_“Mmhmm ...is it the gifts? Would you like to exchange them now?”_ Noah is actually grinning.

 _“Well, I can see you’re anxious to get to it so I’m fine with that,”_ Dan breathes out, smiling but still nervous.

 _“Good, grab your gift and I’ll meet you in the front room,”_ and Noah heads off to the garage. 

Dan calls out, _“I’m saying now that I will be disappointed if you gave me anything that belongs in the garage!”_

Facing each other on the couch, Noah can see Dan rubbing his hands down the front of his sweats, so anxious that he’s wondering if the gift idea was the best thing. _“Daniel, remember what I said before? These gifts are just reminders that we care about remembering our wedding date.”_ He runs his hand up Dan’s leg to calm him. _“A gift could never say what we feel for each other.”_ Dan nods his head, somewhat more calm. _“Would you like me to give my gift first?”_ And again, Dan nods his head.

Noah pulls the rather large bag up to the couch and slides it over to Dan, running his hand back down Dan’s leg as he leans back. Dan pulls out the tissue, and peers into the bag, looking at the edges of a black frame. He pulls out the large picture and his face freezes. He’s staring at pictures of himself and Noah. Pairs of pictures of them as babies, himself and Noah as youth - probably elementary school. Below each pair of photos is a progression of their lives, later years in school, young men in what looks to be their first jobs.

At the bottom is a picture of each of them the day of their wedding, separately, unaware they have been captured on film. The one of Dan is him standing in the doorway the night of their wedding, it doesn’t show what he’s looking at but his face is serene, happy. Dan remembers that moment clearly, he had come from upstairs to find Noah in conversation with his dad. Noah had looked so at ease, so much like he belonged to their family. Dan had leaned against the doorway to watch him and he still remembered the words he’d whispered to himself, _‘Thank you for letting him love me’_.

The picture of Noah was taken from across the room, he’s seated at the table, his chin placed lightly in his hand and his finger is just across his lips trying to hide a slight smile, his eyes intent on someone sitting across the table from him. All Dan can think is ‘he’s beautiful’. 

Noah sees the picture Dan’s eyes have moved to. _“You were telling me how lucky I was to be marrying you because you were quite the catch. I was thinking how I completely agreed with you. I remember that because sitting there for those few moments was the only time we were alone the entire evening.”_ Dan still can’t take his eyes off the pictures.

In the last one, they’re standing alone in the kitchen, arms wrapped around each other under their jackets and their foreheads pressed together, eyes closed. They both look so content it’s almost palpable. Dan places his hand on the glass just above the photo, glimpses into that night that he’s never seen. _“How did you get these?”_ Not yet looking at Noah because he knows that will unravel him.

 _“I called our parents and sisters. I asked our parents for photos of us as babies and kids. I knew our sisters would have photos of that night that we hadn’t seen.”_ Noah is speaking softly, giving Dan time to take it in. When Noah had seen the photos from their wedding night, he’d been overwhelmed at how intimate they felt. He knew Dan needed time to gather his feelings. 

Finally, Dan looks up at him, pulling the frame to his chest, _“Noah….,”_ he can’t say anything else and Noah moves to him, kissing him so he doesn’t have to. Dan slides his legs off the couch so Noah can sit next to him as they look at the photos.

 _“What grade do you think that is?”_ Noah points to one of the photos of Dan.

 _“7th, maybe 8th grade? Obviously before I discovered hair products.”_ Dan’s laugh is happy. _“And you?”_ He asked, pointing his finger to the one of Noah next to his.

Noah’s face goes deep red, _“Oh, I know for sure that was 7th grade. I had that same shirt on the first time I kissed a girl.”_

_“I’d definitely like to hear more about that,”_ Dan pulled back a little to smile at him.

 _“Another time, maybe,”_ Noah smiled and kissed him lightly. They looked back at the photos of their wedding night, both silent for a while.

 _“Daniel, I know it might feel uncomfortable for you at times because I was married before. But when I think of my wedding, this is the night I think of. When people ask me if I’m married, this is the night I think of ...this is my wedding night. You were the beginning of everything for me. Do you understand that?”_ Noah says, still looking at the photos.

Dan’s throat closes up, and well, fuck, there’s no way he’s not going to cry now. Noah pulls him in and he cries openly into his shoulder. _“I love you Noah. I love you so much,”_ he manages when his chest stops heaving. 

Noah gives him time then knows he needs to lighten things between them or his leaving tomorrow will literally kill them both. _“Ok ...so I’m feeling a little exposed here. You’re not welching on your gift are you? I’m still getting something ...right?”_ Feeling Dan’s crying turn to a laugh, he thinks they might survive the night.

Dan places the frame gently on the coffee table and pulls his bag up, so hesitant that Noah thinks for a minute that Dan might actually change his mind about giving it. _“So there’s a caveat to my gift. You can open it tonight, but you can’t go through it until you’re away ...on location. Can you agree to that?”_ He looks hopefully to Noah.

 _“Well, I will agree to whatever you need me to, Daniel. But, I hope you know, whatever this is, as soon as you give it to me, I’m going to love it.”_ Dan places the bag on Noah’s lap then moves back to the end of the couch, facing him. 

Noah pulls at the tissue, finding a smaller gift inside, wrapped in cloth. A book? He pulls the ribbon and the soft cloth falls open revealing a leather journal. It’s worn and beautiful and Noah can already see the ramblings of potential songs he’ll fill it with. He looks up at Dan and smiles, his eyes drop down to the pages as he opens the book, about to speak. He’s confused now, the pages seem to be filled already. He flips through it slowly, all the pages are filled. Noah looks at Dan again and sees his face is actually pale. He looks back to the journal, turning to the first page…recognizing Dan’s writing.

  
  


_First table read with Noah today -_

_I feel like today was a success with Noah - he might be the Patrick that David needs. We caught each other’s eye today during the scene in the office, their first meeting, and somehow the look on Noah’s face makes me feel safe. He looked like he knows what I want from their coming relationship in the show and he is simply here to give me whatever that requires._

He turns to the next page…

_Noah is bringing Patrick to life…_

_We shot the business license scene today and Noah felt perfect. Just enough ‘heat’ underneath a calm reserve to know something is happening with Patrick. There’s already electricity between David and Patrick that has the potential to be more. Noah could turn Patrick into something I hadn’t even envisioned. He definitely has a ‘quality’ about him._

_“Daniel, what is this?”_ Noah is looking directly at him now. 

Dan knows it’s important that he meet Noah’s eyes when he says this. _“I kept a journal when you joined the show. I wasn’t sure of the path David and Patrick were going to take. I wanted their feelings to feel natural and true.”_ Noah waits and Dan feels a bit weak, _“Along the way, I realized the journal was no longer about them. It was about you. And what I was beginning to feel for you.”_

Noah flips through the pages again, a little slower now. He can see as the journal progresses, David and Patrick’s names appear less and less on the pages. He sees his name over and over. Now he’s the one who feels the nervousness in his stomach. Noah knew there’d been a sexual tension between them by the end of Season 4, but, how long had Daniel actually been in love with him?

For a moment he felt a flash of something close to anger that Daniel had written it but never told him. Then he thought about how he had felt that night in the bar, when Dan came home for Christmas. Noah knew that night he would tear apart so many lives with his love for Dan. He knows Dan would never have been able to do that. He would have kept his feelings a secret forever to prevent hurting Noah. Keep them secret in a journal. 

Noah leans back against the couch and looks at Dan, his face still pale. _“Daniel, I respect your privacy ...I will never ask you to share any part of yourself that you’re not ready to.”_ Dan nods his head, to show he believes him. _“Why are you giving this to me now?”_

_“I don’t know if I will ever be able to say the words like you do. The words to make you understand what you are to me ...what you have been for so long.”_ Dan wipes tears from his cheeks, he wants to be able to say this to Noah. _“Noah, I know you are mine. I know you will never be with another person. I don’t worry about any of that.”_ Dan looks directly at him. _“I want you to feel what I felt those first few months, crazy in love with you. Still crazy in love with you.”_

Noah closes his eyes. He has no idea why reading Dan’s journal terrifies him, but it does. He knows how much Dan loves him ...doesn’t he? Somehow, the journal feels like an open door into something so private that he can’t bear being responsible for that. _“Daniel, what if you love me more than I’m actually worth?”_ He says it without really understanding what he means.

 _“That’s not possible.”_ Dan says quietly.

Noah finally opens his eyes and looks at Daniel for a long moment. _“It takes my breath away that you would share this with me. I promise to protect it. To protect what we have.”_

_“I know that, Noah. I’ve always known that.”_

Noah moves to lay completely against Dan, pulling his arms around him, letting their heartbeats sync. _“Daniel?”_

 _“Hmm?”_ he responds softly.

 _“Can we not do gifts next year? It’s emotionally exhausting.”_ Noah says with a smile on his lips.

 _“Oh. God. Thank you. Noah, I love the fuck out of you but this emotional roller-coaster is more than I can take every year.”_ Dan pulls Noah so close that he can barely breathe.

It’s almost midnight when they move from the couch to the bed. Noah tucks the journal into his backpack and they slide under the covers, curving into each other, exhausted and asleep before either has the time to think about the coming weeks apart.


	5. It's Time to Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simply a short closure before Noah explores Dan's journal... in the coming weeks.

**IT’S TIME TO GO**

Noah rides into work with Dan the next day, he’ll take a car from Dan’s office to the airport. It’s more low-key and gives them time to say ‘good-bye’ privately in Dan’s office rather than at the airport. Neither of them say much on the way to Dan’s office, and neither are surprised at that.

_“Ok ...the car will be here in 15 minutes, I think I have everything,”_ Noah pats his backpack like a college student headed off for a semester abroad, making Dan smile.

 _“Do you want a blowjob before you go?”_ Dan is still smiling.

 _“What?”_ Noah’s head jerks up in his direction.

 _“Kidding ...just throwing it out there so you remember what’s waiting when you come home.”_ Dan’s really trying to make their last few moments lighter than last night was.

 _“Trust me ...I’m well aware of what’s waiting when I come home,”_ Noah moves in to kiss him lightly on the mouth before pulling him fully in, sliding his tongue in gently. _“I love you,”_ he whispers when he pulls away.

Dan nods, _“Ok, out you go. You will be wonderful, so wonderful that I hope you won’t even have to break a leg ..or anything.”_ He runs his hand across Noah’s cheek, _“I love you.”_ Noah kisses his palm and he’s gone. 

Dan’s assistant comes in, offering to get him a coffee ....or something. Dan is quiet for a moment, then he looks up, _“Get everyone together. We have eight weeks and we’re going to get a crap load of stuff done so that we can all take the week off when it’s over.”_ His assistant smiles, knowing exactly why they will all be taking week number nine off.

  
Later that night as Dan pulls back the covers of their bed, knowing there will be no sleep for him tonight, he stares at his pillow. The case is missing from it. He flips it over. He pulls the cover down further running his and down the bed searching for it. He checks the dirty laundry. For a minute he’s actually dumbfounded at the sight of his pillow, missing it’s case, when the realization creeps into his brain he smiles, almost giddy. _“Fuck”._ Noah took his fucking pillow case. Dan smiles and slides into bed, pulling Noah’s pillow under his head. He breathes in deeply, smelling Noah’s scent on the pillow. Drifting off to sleep, he understands Noah’s need completely.


	6. Into the Wild Wild West

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noah's day ...before Dan discovers the missing case.

**INTO THE WILD WILD WEST**

Noah slid his backpack under the seat in front of him and sank back, staring out the window watching their few trunks and bags being loaded from the tarmac. The flight was chartered so he was happy the 15 people he’d met in the airport lounge would be the extent of introductions to make today. He was mentally excited and exhausted and he desperately wanted to close his eyes to sort out his thoughts.

He’d been awake since somewhere around 4:00 a.m., mostly watching Dan sleep, listening to his slow breathing. Thinking about the journal. It seemed like such a simple gift but Noah felt the intimacy of it. He knew Dan was laying himself out in the open, giving everything to him. Noah had written verses for songs that in the end were never used because they felt too private, too true. He understood what Dan was giving to him. He ran his fingers lightly down Dan’s jawline, moving closer to him. Dan pulled him in and Noah lay against his chest listening to his heartbeat until his alarm went off a couple hours later. 

  
  


_“Hey, I’ll take this seat if you’re ok with it?”_ Noah remembered the guy - Mark. Assistant to the director if he remembered all the names and faces correctly from the lounge.

 _“Sure, sure - all yours,”_ Noah motioned to the seat. _“Mark, right?”_ The man nodded and Noah stretched out his hand, _“Noah”._ The guy laughed a little and Noah stared at him.

 _“Sorry, but you say that like we don’t know who you are?”_ Mark gave a friendly smile and Noah realized the humor of it. He would never really get used to being recognized. At times he didn’t know whether he was recognized because of Schitt’s or because he was married to Dan. He was ok with both.

 _“Yeah…”_ Noah returned the smile. _“It’s just ridiculously surreal sometimes.”_

_“I get it. There’s room in the overhead if you want to throw your bag up there.”_

Noah stared at his backpack and could feel his pulse quicken. He knew he wouldn’t read the journal on the plane ...too risky someone might ask what it was. But he also knew he wasn’t going to let it out of his sight. _“Oh...there are some things I might look over on the flight but, thanks.”_ At that they both settled in and Noah closed his eyes, finally. 

Images and internal dialog ran across his mind overlapping into a stream of scenes from the last week. The shoot. He was a little nervous about that and wouldn’t try to pretend he wasn’t. Catalina. He smiled softly remembering the marks hidden on his body now. Jesus, was he getting hard? Pull it together. Dan. Nope. Move on before you are definitely hard. The gifts. Dan’s face was all he’d needed to know the photos were perfect. The journal. His stomach felt weak at that. Why?

The jolt of the plane startled him awake and he felt disoriented as if he’d passed through several time zones. _“Man ...you were out the entire four hours. Long week?”_ Mark was packing up his laptop. Noah realized he must have looked as disoriented as he felt when Mark pointed toward the window, _“We landed.”_

Noah rubbed his hand through his hair looking out the window, _“Yeah ...long week, I guess.”_

It was after 8 that evening when he made it to his small trailer, still exhausted and head spinning. There had been more introductions, information packets, dinner and alcohol. Noah had skipped the alcohol wanting a clear head the next day to get acclimated to their location and the shooting schedule. And he wanted to call Dan but felt the day had probably been too long for both of them so he settled on a text.

 **Noah:** Hey ...just made it to my trailer. Long day. You ok?

Noah smiles when the little dots appear immediately. Absolutely happy that Dan might have been waiting on a message, of some kind, from him.

 **Dan:** Hi...good here. Exhausted?

 **Noah:** So much. Shower. Bed.

 **Dan:** We can talk tomorrow evening?

 **Noah:** Definitely. You still at the office?

 **Dan:** Yes for a while

 **Noah:** Don’t stay late. Your staff says it makes you grumpy.

 **Dan:** Who told you that??

 **Noah:** Your staff. All of them

 **Dan:** Not having you in our bed makes me grumpy

 **Noah:** Maybe you shouldn’t tell them that?

 **Dan:** Too late. Staff-all sent

Noah smiles, thankful that Dan understands he needs the banter tonight

 **Noah:** I love you

 **Dan:** Same

 **Noah:** I’ll call tomorrow

 **Dan:** I’ll pick up

Noah lays his phone on the small table and stretches out further, letting his body sink into the bed. A few minutes pass when another text alert dings.

 **Dan:** I love you.

He thinks of what Dan said when he gave him the journal. That he sometimes can’t say the words to show what he feels. He makes a silent promise to make sure Dan knows those few words say everything he needs to know. For now ...shower and bed.

  
  


The following evening Noah is back in his trailer by 7 and relaxed on the bed anxious to hear Dan’s voice. The cast and crew had eaten together and had a few drinks, moving among each other in small groups, getting to know each other. Noah tried not to compare it to Schitt’s but found it difficult not to. So far he felt good about everyone here, felt comfortable. But it was a stark reminder of the unique atmosphere that was shared filming Schitt’s. An atmosphere he thought could probably never be recreated and he thought about how sad that must make Dan feel.

 _“Hi.”_ Dan’s voice is soft and Noah feels it wrap around him, relaxing him for the first time since he’d arrived on location.

 _“Hi. Before I left, did I tell you that I love you?”_ Noah closes his eyes.

_“You might have. But, I’m open to hearing it again.”_

_“I love you.”_

_“I love you too. How was day one ..long and tiring I imagine?”_

Noah breathes in deeply, _“Incredibly so. But, it feels good. Cast and crew all seem to be glad to be a part of this so that helps. No big egos, so far.”_ He yawns, _“God, I’m sorry ...this is the first time I’ve been able to relax. Hearing your voice…”_

 _“Then feel free to call 24/7 if I can help,”_ Dan is trying to keep their conversation light. He knows the next few days are the most important. Nerves are on edge, everyone unsure of what others think they bring to the table, everyone trying to find their place in the pack, make their mark.

_“Mmmm, I’ll keep your number close. Daniel ...I realized today how special the time filming Schitt’s really was. That it might not ever be that way again on another shoot. I wanted you to know I ‘get it’ now. How hard that might be for you.”_

Dan is quiet for a minute. He’s tried to pack those feelings away a hundred different ways and still, his heart breaks a little when he thinks about it. _“It was special ...for more reasons than I even knew. Now, tell me about the location and the cast ...and your trailer. Is it huge?”_

 _“Did you imagine my trailer would be huge?”_ Noah laughs looking around at the small, but very well equipped, living space. _“It’s efficient but very nicely done ...all the comforts I need. For now.”_

_“Hmmm, for now. And the location?”_

_“Beautiful. Really beautiful ...surrounded by mountains. I’ve never spent much time in the west so it’s different. It’s nice.”_

_“Cast and crew ...what’s the vibe so far?”_ Dan knows Noah will have absolutely no problem fitting in. He has seen countless people gravitate to Noah, talking to him as if they’ve known each other forever. He has a natural humility about him that makes people feel at ease. It’s more usual than not that Noah comes away from an event knowing more about people he just met than Dan has gathered from them in years. 

Noah goes through everyone in the detail he knows Dan is curious to hear. Enough to make him feel comfortable that Noah feels comfortable. _“Fill me in on you ...did you leave work last night at a reasonable time and get some sleep?”_

 _“The sleeping part was delayed a bit ...you know, searching for my pillow case.”_ Dan smiles into the phone.

 _“Hmmm ...yeah, I might have seen that ...somewhere.”_ Noah lays his head across his pillow. The pillow that’s now covered in the case from Dan’s pillow. He doesn’t care in the least that Dan knows he wanted to carry his scent with him. They’re silent on the phone now ...listening to each other breathe. Noah rubs his hand down, across the dark mark on his stomach. _“Are you in pajama pants or just underwear?”_

_“God, Noah ...you really are teenage hormones trapped in a grown man’s body.”_

_“And yet I’m the one sporting marks on my lower body.”_

They’re both silent then ...knowing what the other is remembering. Finally, Dan knows he needs to break off the call because Noah will feel too guilty to do it. _“Have a good day tomorrow ...it’s ok to wait a few days to call, honestly. You know I understand how hectic the first few days are.”_

_“Thank you, Daniel. I mean it ...for everything.”_

_“It’s your time, Noah. Remember? Whatever you need, wherever you need, I will be that for you.”_ Dan doesn’t hesitate this time, _“I love you. Sleep well.”_

 _“I love you too.”_ Noah hears Dan’s light breathing and the call is done. He reaches over for his backpack taking the journal out, working his way further into the bed, rolling his head to the side so he’s able to get the faintest scent of Dan. 

He notices his fingers have the slightest shake when he opens it. He feels like a voyeur… stealing glances into the private parts of someone else's life. The entries in the beginning are short, a quick thought from Dan on his take on bringing Patrick to life.

At some point the journal will move from David and Patrick to ...him. It will lay Dan’s most intimate thoughts about him out in black and white. Why is he so nervous at the idea of that? He knows Dan loves him, is in love with him. 

Noah realizes it then, the depth for which Dan might love him scares him. At times in their relationship Noah has felt a bit out of control with how deeply he loves Dan. To actually know that Dan feels the same ...having the knowledge that each of them will give whatever the other asks for, belongs completely to the other is a little unsettling. It makes them vulnerable in a way that requires absolute trust in each other. It’s the most fulfilled and terrified he’s ever felt with anyone. 

He opens the journal to random pages, running his fingers lightly over the handwriting makes him shiver as if feeling Dan’s touch on him. He can see as it progresses, the entries become longer, more detailed. He moves back to the first pages again, knowing he’s not ready yet for what Dan might have felt beyond that.

Noah reads back over the entries he’d read when Dan gave it to him and he remembers how pale Dan’s face was that night. It’s one thing to write a letter to someone telling them how you feel, that you love them. A journal is different. It holds all the truths people say freely because they have the security of knowing no one will ever see it. He’s sure Dan never thought he would ever read this. He realizes everything it took for Dan to give him this. Courage to open himself up. Trust in Noah that he would protect the feelings written here. And need ...the absolute need to let Noah see him.

  
  


_First table read with Noah today -_

_I feel like today was a success with Noah - he might be the Patrick that David needs. We caught each other’s eye today during the scene in the office, their first meeting, and somehow the look on Noah’s face makes me feel safe. He looked like he knows what I want from their coming relationship in the show and he is simply here to give me whatever that requires._

⇹⇹⇹

He remembers their first table read. As everyone found their place at the table, and they were quiet, Dan looked around the table and finally to him. ‘Well, Reid ...time to shine!’ Dan’s smile ran over his face and up to his eyes. Noah was quick to respond. ‘Oh, I plan to.’ The ice was definitely broken and as the table laughed, he noticed Dan’s eyes narrowed on him, playfully. Noah knew then they would become friends. Looking at the last few words Dan had written, he thinks about how he’d had no idea that day all he would willingly give Dan.

  
  
  


_Noah is bringing Patrick to life. We shot the business license scene today and Noah felt perfect. Just enough ‘heat’ underneath a calm reserve to know something is happening with Patrick. There’s already electricity between David and Patrick that has the potential to be more. Noah could turn Patrick into something I hadn’t even envisioned. He definitely has a ‘quality’ about him._

⇹⇹⇹

He feels a little proud that Dan thought he had ‘something’ early on. He had been writing the show already two seasons when Noah joined and it had gained attention. In a good way. He respected Dan’s opinion and knew he could have had several people read for the part. He'd felt very lucky walking in the first day.

  
  
  


_Lice and sleepovers here we go! David’s interest in Patrick sparked today - it’s quick but I think we’ve made it clear there’s already a flirty edge between them. Having Patrick offer the sleepover cements the idea into David’s mind that Patrick is obviously completely comfortable with him and it will be up to him to find out how comfortable. We’ve written David’s ‘unique’ proclivities to happen naturally with Patrick - it’s important for him to really know David. Not sure yet whether Patrick will be ‘the one’ for David but there’s a good tension between them._

_Noah and I sat for a while after shooting was complete - we need to get to know each other more than acquaintances who’ve moved in some of the same circles. Conversation mostly about how the shoot went and tomorrow’s shoot but he’s easy to talk to. Tomorrow is a big scene for David and Patrick - very overt flirting._

_⇹⇹⇹_

Noah turned the page unsure how much more he would read. Memories he hadn’t thought about since those early days of filming bounced around in his head looking for a place to land and he needed time to sort through them. Dan’s first few words made it clear he wouldn’t stop now. 

  
  
  


_Well fuck me. How did I not see this coming??_ _Never in my mind did I think hearing those words from Noah’s mouth would be more than part of scripted banter! ‘It’s definitely at least semi-firm’. A hard-on are you kidding me? Heat went through me and I was immediately hard - that wasn’t even the worst part! Flustering my lines and trying to hide my Goddamn erection with my hands in front of my pants. Zero professionalism here. God, would someone report me for harassment? What the absolute hell is wrong with me that I didn’t see that coming???_

_I thought things felt notched up a little in the sloppy mouth taping but it was perfect for the scene. Noah really came through giving Patrick the sass he’ll need to keep up with David. I knew this scene had the first suggestiveness for them ...but it wasn’t overboard. We lost two hours of filming because I had to call for a break after his ‘semi-firm’ comment. Two fucking hours._

_Honestly, by the time we hugged after the store opening I was done for. Noah’s handsome - incredibly so, actually - I’ve thought that from the first day but I didn’t expect this. I really didn’t expect to be attracted to him sexually. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. And I don’t know whether he saw what happened. I called Stace and not much help there. ‘Ask him’. Yeah that’s not happening. God what the hell am I going to do. Ignore it till our next taping. Fuck._

_⇹⇹⇹_

Noah read it again, almost feeling sorry for Dan that he had been so embarrassed. Dan had told him about this ...the first time he felt a sexual attraction for him. But he had no idea how surprised Dan had been about it. He found that extremely ...sweet.

The idea that it had hit Dan without any warning was familiar. Noah remembered vividly when Dan had brushed his tongue across his lips after Patrick’s ‘Ken date’. Dan was the one who had to pull back from the kiss. He, on the other hand, had actually leaned into it, completely embarrassed when Dan moved away. He thought for a moment then texted Dan.

 **Noah:** Hey if it’s ok with you I’d like to call tomorrow after we’re done here

 **Dan:** Everything ok?

Noah wondered if he should tell him he’d started the journal

 **Noah:** Everything’s fine ..really. Just like hearing your voice at the end of the day

 **Dan:** I’ll pick up. Night

 **Noah:** Night


	7. Can Men be Friends?

Noah steps out of his trailer just as the sun is coming up, zips his jacket against the chill, and heads out to get in a hike before the day starts. Their location is almost two hours from the nearest small town, tucked into the bottom of mountains that remind him of Canada. He’s not scheduled for shooting till the afternoon so he’s hopeful he’ll find a good trail that leads up far enough to get in a good workout rather than using the small room of exercise machines the studio set up for them.. As he makes it past the last small trailer he hears someone call out to him.

 _“Noah!”_ Mark jogs up near him. _“Wow, you’re headed out early this morning.”_

 _“Hey ...morning Mark. Yeah, I don’t shoot till the afternoon so I was hoping to get a hike in this morning. What about you - are you always out this early?”_ Noah’s surprised to see anyone out at this time in the morning.

He always has a couple of hours to himself before Dan wakes so, on the mornings he doesn’t end up lying quietly in bed watching him sleep, he hikes. He’s never told Dan he does this ... sometimes lays in bed watching him sleep. He doesn’t want Dan to feel self conscious, or possibly think he’s an idiot. Watching the change in Dan’s face from animation to sleep is like watching ice slowly melt. The hard line of his jaw loosens and the smile, or smirk, that’s usually on his face is replaced with soft lips, barely open. It always makes Noah’s heart tighten at how beautiful he is. He has this picture of Dan burned in his heart and can see him clearly now, the intimate softness that only he sees. 

_“Yeah, I usually try to get in a run, or hike depending on the location, before the day starts. It’s the only way to stay sane. You mind if I hike up with you?”_

_“Not at all.”_ Noah pulls himself back to the conversation. He doesn’t mind the company but hopes in the back of his mind the hike will be strenuous enough to limit much conversation. Mark seems nice enough but his priority this morning is to clear his head.

A couple of hours later they stop for a breather and decide it’s probably time to head back down. It’s easier to talk now so Noah makes the effort. _“How are things starting out for you so far? It feels like a good group.”_

_“It is, sure ...still a little settling that usually happens through the first few weeks but the schedule doesn’t feel too tight. We’ll meet our target dates.”_

Noah feels relief at that. He can’t imagine something happening and being asked to stay longer than 8 weeks. He doesn’t ask much more as he walks, his intent for the morning was not to fill his head with work questions.

Mark is quiet for a while when he says, _“So...I feel like a schoolboy saying this but, I have your album ...you’re very talented.”_

 _“Well, not sure about talent but I’m glad you like it.”_ Noah is so proud of the album but it still surprises him when people comment on it. Having his music so recognized was something he never really expected. _“I really have Dan to thank for ever being able to do the album. Him trusting me with the song we used in Schitt’s is really what started everything.”_

They’re back to the grounds by around 10 and as they split off heading to their own trailers, Mark asks, _“The group will probably meet up again for a few drinks after dinner so maybe I’ll see you there?”_

 _“Yeah - catch you there later.”_ Noah is already thinking about the very hot shower waiting for him. 

  
  


He strips off his clothes waiting for the small shower to heat up and glances at himself in the mirror. The marks on him have deepened in color and he smiles, running his fingers lightly over the one on the inside of his hip. He moves his hand down over the one on the inside of his thigh and his breath catches, remembering Dan’s hands holding him down firmly while he sucked deeply into the skin there. Noah steps into the shower and runs his hand lightly over his cock, feeling himself harden at the thought of Dan’s mouth moving from his thigh to cover him, sucking him in deeply. He leans against the shower and closes his eyes, remembering Dan’s mouth taking him in as he jerks himself, not realizing he whispers _“Daniel”_ when he comes. 

Out of the shower, Noah grabs his phone and snaps a photo of the mark on the inside of his hip and sends it to Dan. He heads off to breakfast wishing he could see the look on his face when he opens the text. 

  
  


Dan hears the text alert and grabs his phone knowing it’s from Noah. Not one of his friends, or acquaintances, would text him this early. He sees the photo and his eyes and smile are in an instant battle to rule his expression. “Wow…” He lays back staring at it, the color of the mark has deepened ...beautifully. Seeing the dark color of it against Noah’s light skin sends a warmth to his groin and he lightly touches his phone, as if he might feel the softness from the photo. He texts back.

 **DAN:** Random sex is definitely out of the question for you now

Before he can put his phone away there’s another text.

 **ANDREW:** Thinking you might be crazy with Noah gone - lunch today?

 **DAN:** Yes and yes. Call me around noon?

 **ANDREW:** Will do

Noah’s on his third beer when Mark falls down into the chair across from him. _“So ...long day I gather?”_ Seeing the tired look on Mark’s face.

_“They will all be long but at least it was a good one. I saw your scenes - they’re really perfect.”_

Noah nods his head in ‘thanks’, _“It’s been a while, which you know, but it felt good.”_

Mark throws back his shot. _“To feeling good.”_ Noah raises his beer in salute, knowing he’s not doing shots with a group of people he’s known less than a week. The conversation at the table ranges from past projects, to strange location shoots they’ve been on, to their most embarrassing moments in taping. When it’s Noah’s turn to share an embarrassment, he thinks about leaning into that kiss with Dan ...and instead tells them about getting stuck in an elevator with a director who’d just turned him down for a part. It’s a surprisingly comfortable conversation around the table but Noah imagines the alcohol is helping. There is no early taping tomorrow so they’re all probably drinking a little more than they ordinarily would. No one is really drunk, yet ...but they’re all very relaxed. 

By 10 the group is breaking up, most people yawning by then, the alcohol helping them unwind from the stress everyone felt in these first few days. Most of them rose to leave at the same time and Mark walked out in the same direction as Noah. _“Hey, can I show you something ...it’s pretty cool?”_ Noah was tired and wanted to stretch out and call Dan, but he nodded and followed behind him.

They finally made it to the large equipment storage area and Mark pulled some keys from his pocket. Noah looked around at the machines and followed him to ‘the picker’ they use on set when the crew needs to move around or above to tape a scene. Mark hopped up in the small cab and the basket of it moved slowly to the ground. He came around and opened the door of the basket stepping in, motioning for Noah to follow him. 

Mark pushed a button and the basket rose, higher then Noah thought it would, above the roof of the storage building. They’re both a little tipsy, losing their balance when it stopped and bumping arms just a bit. Mark looked at him and pointed up and Noah’s gaze followed to find a sky so full of stars it looked like they were connected. _“You won’t see that often in L.A.”_ Mark sighed. _“Gorgeous”_.

Suddenly Noah felt nervous, was something going on here? Was Mark coming on to him? He looked at him and Mark stared back. Noah fumbled unsure if it was nerves or beer, _“I didn’t wear my wedding ring on location ...I uh ..I can’t wear it when we shoot. But … I’m sorry if I did something. So ...we’re committed to each other completely. Dan and I.”_

 _“What?”_ Mark tilts his head to the side for a minute and his eyes go wide. _“God ..no. No. No. That’s not what this is about. No.”_ He’s backing away a little now with his hands up. _“I’m not trying to make something happen here. I’m absolutely in a relationship. One hundred percent in.”_ He laughs a little. _“Noah, I’m away from Steve, my partner, a lot. Sometimes when we’re in locations like this, I use the picker to sit up here and watch the stars. I know this sounds sappy as fuck, but knowing it’s the same sky he sees, it calms me a little.”_ His smile softens on Noah now, _“I know you miss Dan so I just thought it might help you relax and not dread the next several weeks.”_

Noah stares at him glad that it’s dark so Mark can’t see the flush he feels moving up his ears. _“God, I’m a fucking idiot. I’m sorry…”_

 _“No ...not at all. I can imagine how it looked ...I should have said something before just bringing you up here. I’m the one to say sorry.”_ They looked at each other and burst out laughing.

 _“God ...I was fucking terrified you were coming on to me. And that I had caused it.”_ Noah extends his hand, _“We’re ok?”_

Mark is quick to shake, _“Absolutely.”_ They stand a while watching the sky. _“What do you miss most being away from Dan?”_

 _“Everything,”_ Noah is quiet now. _“I know it sounds ‘sappy as fuck’,”_ he smiles over a Mark. _“But I miss everything about that man.”_

 _“Everything, huh?”_ Mark looks back to the stars, _“Yeah ...I get that.”_ And Noah knows now Mark is thinking about his partner, probably missing him just as much as he misses Dan. Although he doubts that’s possible.

  
  
  


Back in his trailer, and completely sober now, he calls Dan, smiling when he hears his groggy voice pick up. 

_“Daniel ...are you sleeping on the couch again?”_

_“How do you know I’m not in bed?”_

_“Because I know you hate the bed when I’m not there. Same as me.”_ The last time Noah had taken a long weekend away for a quick trip back to Toronto, Dan had slept on the couch two of the three nights he was gone. He’d moved his pillows and cover there.

_“I do hate the bed when you’re not here but it’s not physically possible for me to sleep on the couch for 8 weeks so falling asleep here tonight was just an accident. How are you?_

_“Do you think it’s impossible for men to just be good friends?”_ He gives Dan time to think. They have plenty of male friends, straight and gay, and he wonders if he’s taken that for granted. 

_“No, I don’t think it’s impossible. It just sometimes feels impossible to find a man who is ok with just that?”_ Dan is still thinking about the question when he asks, _“Noah, did something happen?”_

 _“No, no. Nothing happened.”_ He told Dan about his morning hike with Mark, the drinks and then the picker embarrassment. _“I can’t believe I just assumed he was coming on to me. How arrogant is that?”_ Dan’s laughter on the other end surprises him. _“What exactly is so funny?”_

 _“I’m just stunned you even realized he ‘might’ be coming on you! You get hit on so many times right in front of me and you’re clueless to it.”_ Dan’s still laughing.

_“I think you’re exaggerating, Daniel. And if we’re comparing, I’ve seen men give you their phone number over and over under the guise of ‘call me if you think I might fit for a part’. Right. I know what part they’re trying to fit. You get hit on way more than me!”_

They’re both laughing when Daniel finally says, _“We must be incredibly irresistible, huh?”_

Noah smiles, _“Well, you are irresistible,”_ and Dan goes quiet for a minute before speaking again.

_“So, I have a question for you since we’re talking about men and relationships. Do you think we have a sex problem?”_

_“Huh?”_ Noah is baffled now.

 _“Not a problem with the sex we have. Absolutely no problem there. I mean a problem in the amount of sex we have. Like, could we be addicted to sex, or something?”_ Noah is surprised again, but more so at the seriousness in Dan’s voice. 

_“What?”_ He knows Dan is looking for him to say something more, but he really can’t. Was the photo he sent too much? They’d sent more risque' photos than that.

 _“I had lunch with Andrew today, he’s doing well and he says ‘hi’. Anyway, he was talking about his partner who he’s been with for a few years now. I don’t know how the conversation led there but he said they ‘still’ have sex ‘a few times a week’. ‘Still’ ...like that was unusual. And ‘a few times a week’?”_

Ah ...now Noah can see where Dan’s going with this. And why. They’ve been together two years and there are times they have sex a few times a ‘day’. But it makes him laugh that Dan is obviously concerned they might not be ordinary. _“We’re not addicted to sex, Daniel. Addicted to each other maybe, but not just the sex. Wait, you didn’t tell him how often we have sex did you?”_ Noah feels his face begin to blush.

 _“God no! Far be it for me to make his sex life seem inadequate,”_ Dan laughs. _“It’s just really surprising ...I think I’m going to research it. What is the average amount of sex a week for a couple? I wonder if it’s different for gay men? I’m sure there’s a documentary out there somewhere.”_ Dan seems serious about gathering information and Noah is sure he’ll have a report on his findings in their next few calls. He realized early on that life with Dan is interesting in ways he could never have imagined.

 _“Well, whatever research you uncover I’m not willing to give up any of the sex we have. If we’re over achievers I’m ok with that.”_

Dan is grinning into the phone, _“Well, as you know ...I did have all of the Scout Canada merit patches.”_

 _“I do remember. Was there a merit patch for sex?”_

_“Not for the underaged but I believe I might be working toward that now ...with you.”_ Dan’s laughter comes easily.

With the beer and hearing Daniel’s voice, Noah feels relaxed and sleepy. He still has an early day tomorrow going through over the next scene, and knows he needs to be the one to end the call tonight. He can’t put that on Dan every time. Noah is quiet now. _“Daniel, I read the next page in the journal. About the ‘semi-firm’ problem?”_ Dan doesn’t say anything so he continues, _“I know you felt embarrassed about it but, I think it’s sort of nice. Maybe that being sexually attracted to me wasn’t something you had control over ...I know that’s how I felt. And if you were wondering ...I never knew.”_

Dan is quiet still so Noah waits. _“I’m thankful you didn’t know because I never wanted to make you feel uncomfortable ...on or off set.”_

 _“I know that ...and I never did. I knew the first time we talked about what you hoped for David and Patrick, you wanted me to feel at ease with things that would be new to me as an actor.”_

They’re quiet for a minute and Noah knows it’s time. “ _I should go ...early start tomorrow and I’m sure you have the same.”_

_“Yeah ...everything in production seems to be kicking up at the same time. Noah, let’s agree to wait a few days before we talk. It’s really the best thing for you ...your head needs to be fully there. Not admitting that I might be a distraction ...but, all of your focus needs to be on location.”_

_“I would never call you a distraction ...more of a welcomed diversion. But, we’ll text, Ok?”_ Noah knows having no contact will be worse for him.

 _“One condition,”_ Dan’s voice is playful now.

_“Yes?”_

_“No more pictures. Seriously, I can’t take that for 7 more weeks.”_

Noah’s laugh rushes out, _“And what about me? Having to look at them every time I shower. Remembering…”_ and he’s cut short by Dan.

 _“Do not say it. No. Absolutely not or I will be sleeping in the garage by the time you get home.”_ Dan’s voice rises dramatically.

 _“Ok, no photos ...and no calls for a few days.”_ Noah gives him time to come down. _“I’d better go ...I really miss you, Daniel.”_

_“Yeah ...I know how you feel.”_

_“Love you.”_

_“Love you.”_

Noah pulls out the journal and holds it to his chest, knowing he’s too tired to read it tonight but it makes him feel like Dan isn’t so far away. He slides it under his pillow thinking about the softness of Dan’s sleeping face as his own sleep overtakes him. 


End file.
